a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather.

come on and we'll try, one last time.

Home sweet home.
dog barking, lights on.
tv flickering.
teenagers screaming, music blaring.
parents laughing.
phones vibrating, computers running.
Home sweet home.
camera flashing, fan turning.
dishwasher rinsing.
Oven baking, water flowing.
feet pattering.
movies playing, child writing.
home sweet home.

I'm a pencil pusher. I write for no reason. 95% of the time, it's nothing worth mentioning. some of that gets posted up here. I always want to know how people have those deep moments in life that they can write a book about. I wish I knew how that felt; to have that type of purpose with your writing. To have that type of skill and level of understanding, that they can just sit and typer and type and type until the day's over and the word document is over 7 pages. I wish I could.

I've been feeling very out of place recently. I don't know why. I've been floating through school, and sort of not even in my own body. I'm just kind of there. My friends have noticed. It's weirding them out too. Maybe it's just me trying to get everything together, but it's never happened before. I'm trying to anchor myself down though, so I can finish out the year and then have SUMMER.

Ehhh, who knows? Maybe I'll be fine in a week or two. I'm just bored. France and Spain, 58 days?


Food for Thought.

Thank You Notes

My thought for the day- thank you notes.

I absolutely love thank you notes. Have you ever received a thank you note, and instantly smiled? That's what I always do at least. I like to imagine every person who I send a thank you note to doing this. Receiving a thank you note is just like receiving a tangible feeling. You're holding someones gratitude in your hands, for you to cherish and keep.

I use to despise writing them- who would want to waste their time thanking someone for giving you something? I don't know if it's a maturity thing, or just me being well, me. But I started to read way too far into what they mean (obviously). You don't always have to write them when given something. You could give them to people for doing something really nice for you like: giving you time to take a college tour or have an interview, letting you work for them, helping you out on science homework, or just for being a really great person.

I think these thank yous mean so much more to people. Like they're just kind of reading it thinking "Huh, that was really sweet of ____. I've never gotten a thank you for this before from someone. That was really, really great of them." For me, this is wonderful. I don't like being one of those people who are polite and follow all social rules, but more of one of those people who really consider feelings, and is making a real effort to show some appreciation for things that don't normally get any attention.

I know it's crazy that I just went on talking about thank you notes for like three paragraphs, but they are one of those few things that don't ever get old. Their real meaning still is there, and they still make people feel the same way that they did 10, 15 years ago. Maybe I just like old fashioned things, but I plan on getting stationary soon.



Food for Thought?

Old fashioned song to go with an old fasioned entry:

That's What I Love About Sundays- Craig Morgan
Raymond's in his Sunday best,
He's usually up to his chest in oil an' grease.
There's the Martin's walkin' in,
With that mean little freckle-faced kid,
Who broke a window last week.
Sweet Miss Betty likes to sing off key in the pew behind me.

That's what I love about Sunday:
Sing along as the choir sways;
Every verse of Amazin' Grace,
An' then we shake the Preacher's hand.
Go home, into your blue jeans;
Have some chicken an' some baked beans.
Pick a back yard football team,
Not do much of anything:
That's what I love about Sunday.

I stroll to the end of the drive,
Pick up the Sunday Times, grab my coffee cup.
It looks like Sally an' Ron, finally tied the knot,
Well, it's about time.
It's 35 cents off a ground round,
Baby. cut that coupon out!

That's what I love about Sunday:
Cat-napping on the porch swing;
You curled up next to me,
The smell of jasmine wakes us up.
Take a walk down a back road,
Tackle box and a cane pole;
Carve our names in that white oak,
An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,
That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

Ooh, new believers gettin' baptized,
Momma's hands raised up high,
Havin' a Hallelujah good time
A smile on everybody's face.
That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.
Raymond's in his Sunday best,
He's usually up to his chest in oil an' grease.
There's the Martin's walkin' in,
With that mean little freckle-faced kid,
Who broke a window last week.
Sweet Miss Betty likes to sing off key in the pew behind me.

That's what I love about Sunday:
Sing along as the choir sways;
Every verse of Amazin' Grace,
An' then we shake the Preacher's hand.
Go home, into your blue jeans;
Have some chicken an' some baked beans.
Pick a back yard football team,
Not do much of anything:
That's what I love about Sunday.

I stroll to the end of the drive,
Pick up the Sunday Times, grab my coffee cup.
It looks like Sally an' Ron, finally tied the knot,
Well, it's about time.
It's 35 cents off a ground round,
Baby. cut that coupon out!

That's what I love about Sunday:
Cat-napping on the porch swing;
You curled up next to me,
The smell of jasmine wakes us up.
Take a walk down a back road,
Tackle box and a cane pole;
Carve our names in that white oak,
An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,
That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

Ooh, new believers gettin' baptized,
Momma's hands raised up high,
Havin' a Hallelujah good time
A smile on everybody's face.
That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

a change in the weather...

First week of school. Third week of volleyball. Friends, family, homework. Laptop.


Pretty much my life as of now.
I'm over consumed with school. It's almost sad how badly I want to make good grades. I've never felt this strongly about it. Maybe it's just because my sister is going off to college next year, and doesn't ever have the same answer for what she wants to do. Crazy, right? I feel all this ambition to doing great, and hopefully I can stick it out. I never actually know if I will though.
Volleyball=intense.
This year has been 100% different from last year. Two new coaches, new freshman, old teammates gone, and a new idea on why we play. It's great. Our team has done a 180. As a team, we're so much closer, and have so much more fun. I mean sure, we work hard, do conditioning to make Collin happy, and run everywhere we go, but our whole mindset is different. It's actually fun to be on the team that FEELS like a team. It doesn't hurt that we've won our first two games either.
Friends....
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends to death. But even if I say I don't have secrets, it does NOT mean I'm that open with people. I don't go up to my friends and tell them everything. If they ask, sure! I'll tell. But not everything is made known. I have a private life. Everyone does. But when a friend does exactly what you asked them (multiple times) not to do, what are you supposed to do? Well I get mad. And I get over it. But it has to be on my time, not the other person's. My friends see this, when it's not them who did the stupid thing. It's funny how blind the world can be.

Which brings me to my next point.
I've heard people say it over and over. I don't want to talk to you right now means exactly what is said. I don't understand why people don't respect that. I know that I used to not, but I started to actually listen to what people are saying towards others, or me for that matter. Seriously. If someone talks like they don't like you, or are annoyed with you, ask them. At least they should be honest enough to tell you if they do or not.
I've started just telling people the truth. Not the half truths that make people feel good. If you ask me if I'm annoyed at you, I'll say yes, and I'll tell you why. Because I'd want you to do the same to me. If you dislike me, tell me. I'd rather hear it from you, and hear your reasoning then hearing the gossip. It's just generally ridiculous that: a) You can't just come and tell me, or b) your friends can't keep their mouths shut out of respect for you. I feel bad either way. Please don't bullshit me. I don't bullshit people anymore.


So that was a fairly lengthy rant over no specific moment in time..
awesome.

Night all.
Rach.

X-Games?

X-Games, Music, Working, Volleyball.

I don't want to try-out for volleyball this year. It's weird, I love love love playing, but to me, it just seems....pointless right now for me.

Let's rewind.
I don't like rejection.
There's been a lot of it recently with me.
I don't like public rejection.
Not making volleyball would be that.
I'm split.
I mean, I never wanted to play volleyball for scholorships, I'm not great. I played it to stay somewhat in shape, and have fun. Last year wasn't very fun for me though. I don't know. I'm torn. We'll see I guess.



I'm tired of sharing randomness on this blog.
When I have something of importance to talk about,
I'll write..

Then you walk, under the streetlights

Humming, CSI, Smart Water, Cell Phone, NYLF, Transformers, my sister's friends..


I'd like to say that I learn a lot over summer. I might not learn things from books, but I feel like I learn a lot about myself over the summer. Every year, when school comes around, I feel like I'm completely different. I know that I'm not a whole new person, but I feel like there are major differences in my attitude and way of thinking. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I just have wayyyy too much time on my hands during the summer. Who knows?

I think I've learned the most about myself in the past two weeks. Not only did I learn that I'm fine spending time alone, or without people from my grade. In fact, I think that's why I like summer so much. I don't usually talk to people I normally do. I tend to lean towards people I only see over the summer, or people that I just don't normally spend more than 10 minutes with.

EXAMPLE: This past Monday night. My sister had the group of people she hangs out with over. She let me stay and hang out, and it was probably the most fun I had all summer. It's nice to be around people that I knew before, but didn't really know that well.

Please don't get me wrong, I love my friends to death, but I'm one of those people who likes change. My best friends are still the exact same, but I don't feel it's necassary to hang out with them everytime I want to do something.


I think the thing I learned the most about is my emotions. I'm a very emotional person. I take everything to heart. It's very hard for me let jokes go when they really screw with my emotions. But the worst part is that two people can do the exact same thing, and it's fine if one does it, but I can't stand it if the other does. I don't like when people play with my feelings, at all. Like half friends, or guys that flirt like crazyyy, then turn around and act like I'm nothing. I'm fine with innocent flirting. And I'm okay with people being plesant, but not, say, a best friend. I don't need anymore best friends. Not that I won't take any (haha), but it's not like I have no one. When it comes down to it, I bottle up so much. I'm overly sensitive to people saying things. I know that 85% of the time that someone says something and it makes me upset, they didn't mean for it to. That's why I usually never actually say when I'm upset, I just go and listen to music, or write on this, or something else. Because by the time I'm done, I'm fine. I don't get mad to the point of telling someone a lot, because they'd REALLLLY have to do something bad to make me that mad. I just get a little upset or annoyed, and I'm over it within 5 minutes. Or I forget about it until later. I don't always like how I handle things, but it usually turns out for the best. Most things I get over, and it's fine. Well, that's enough for now. I've talked wayy too much about myself. ahahaha.


On a different note:
I'm waking up at 8am.
I'm going to be in a car for about 7 hours with my family.
I'm visiting my grandparents up in Ohio.
I'm driving home Sunday.

ehhhhhh. I miss them terribly. But I don't really want to go up to Ohio.
Texting me would be nice.


Anyways, it's nice to take a break from technology, and people. Some say they'd go crazy or die without their friends or phones for a day, but that's not me. I love the company of my friends and the convieance of my phone, but I could go without them for at least a few weeks. I like to be by myself (asher roth, anyone?) as much as I like to be with others. On the freshman beach trip, I was an INFP, but the thing is, I tied for extroverted. Dead even. 5 and 5. Most assumed that I would pick extroverted, but that's untrue. At the end of the day, I have to go to my room, lay there and read or write, and just be by myself (again, anyone? ahha).



Have you ever had one of those moments, where you're sitting outside, taking a walk around, driving in the car with the windows down, looking out your bedroom window, or some other form of being outside, and think how amazing the day is, and how you wish it'd never end? Those are the best days I have. Two years ago, in March, my family and I were driving home from WV. We were still in the mountains, and it was around 60 degrees outside. It was glorious. I felt so carefree, with the window down, and my music playing. I didn't feel happy for any particular reason, but I felt so alive. I have a lot of these moments it seems. I wish I could share how I feel with everyone, because I think if everyone could expirence at least two of these days a year, things would feel so much better. I don't know, that's just me. They mean that much to me.

Obviously, I've been feeling pretty dang confused on my emotions, since I'm sharing all about them. Anyways.

Think about it: I feel more alive this summer than any other. Maybe it's just cause my blood sugar is doing so well. Maybe cause I'm getting a new pump soon. Maybe cause I'm not tiring of my friends, because I feel like I have more. Maybe I'm done trying so hard to be perfect, and now I'm just being myself.


Alright, Katie has been asking to get on the computer for the past 30 minutes, it's time I give it up.


Peace :]
Rach.

So It's been more than a month..

What I Like About You, Scrubs, Sunscreen, Sunburn, Working, Pool, Cell Phone, Texting, Defiance, Role Models, Seinfeld, Computers, Itouch, Ming's, Shopping, Photos.









That's what my days have consisted of, but you know what? I'm pretty okay with it. It's summer after all. I mean, it's all good. :]





I've had way too much time to think though. Like, waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Sitting on my ass for 4 hours every other day kinda leads you to it.


So I've been pretty stressed lately (this blog has been written over a couple days, since I've been lazy beyond belief. I miss school.). I've just felt this pressure to be doing something when I'm not. Maybe that's just the school me coming back into play. But I feel the need to organize, clean, write, take notes, and whatever else reminds me of school. I miss the days that I could just lay around.
It's weird, to think 'I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to be at a friend's house almost everyday, or someone is supposed to be at my house. I'm not supposed to have a job that consumes most of my time, and if I do, I'm not supposed to like going to it.'

I'm sitting here, at 11:09 at night, watching VH1, listening to my brother make funny-ish comments, wondering why I don't have a life. And it all comes back down to me being the middle child! I swear, there is an obviousness about it that makes it seem impossible.
OUR FAMILY:
Sister--> 16, soon to be 17. Parent's first. "the responsible one" Has her license, car, and endless amounts of time, and money.
Brother-->Just turned 13. Mama's favorite. "the baby". Friends live semi-close, and parents will drive him and his friends.
Mother-->Baby's Nick. Tries to be Katie's best friend. SNAPS AT ME EVERYTIME I TALK NOW. (ask Katie, she agrees)
Daddy-->Usually fine. Doesn't say anything when I'm getting yelled at.
Rachel--> 15. Middle Child. The one that costs the most because she doesn't function correctly. No license, no car. Parents don't like to drive her. Friends live pretty far.

It's a little unfortunate.



NEW TOPIC:
My friends are hilarious. I get a text today from one of them asking me for dance advice. But the text that I got was: I have a serious problem.

I was so scared hahaah. I thought that they were in serious trouble hahaha.
And another bought a bow-tie.
I'm having a harper's island and frosting marathon on Tuesday with one.
One is with their family at the beach and texts me about random stuff.
Ohhh, there's so much more. This is just the past few days.

But then there's my best friend. Who can't seem to make up their mind on what they want from me. I hate being pulled around, but this is extreme for even the most bipolar person..

Ah well.
I'll get some music.
Write some stuff.
Read some more.
Focus on other stuff.
I'm not a huge fan of wallowing around in self pity.


I think I just made plans for this Wed after my sleepover.
sweeeeeet:]
anyways,

peace out.
fall out.
break out.
speak out.
:]
Rach.

For all you music lovers..

I'm in need of new music.
Mix CD's anyone? [:

Gracing the stage, but I'm turnin' the page.That moment's gone, so I wrote you this song now.It feels like the road is telling me where to go now.There's nothing to fear, it's so special here.So I'll go pack my bags, take the trainLeave with nothing but my own hopes and dreams, That's everything to me.So what would it be like if everything came trueImagine when I see you, imagine what I'd doI'd gaze up at the stars and never move my eyesTake me to a place high up in the skies.Imagine what I'd do if everything came true.I'd never have to fly in a rainy dayPunch drunk love man pass it my wayI'll go pack my bags, take the trainLeave with nothing but my own hopes and dreams, that's me.I know it's true, but I gotta do what my heart's supposed to doAnd what I was born to do.So what would it be like if everything came trueImagine when I see you, imagine what I'd doI'd gaze up at the stars and never move my eyesTake me to a place high up in the skies.Imagine what I'd do if everything came true.I'd never have to fly in a rainy dayPunch drunk love man pass it my wayI'll go pack my bags, take the trainLeave with nothing but my own hopes and dreams, that's me.I know it's true, but I gotta do what my heart's supposed to doAnd what I was born to do.Grab my hand now and feel my insides, this is where I should beAll that dreamin' and there's with reason, it's extra-ordinaryI'll go pack my bags, take the trainLeave with nothing but my own hopes and dreams, that's me.I know it's true, but I gotta do what my heart's supposed to doAnd what I was born to do.Grab my hand now and feel my insides, this is where I should beAll that dreamin' and there's with reason, it's extra-ordinaryGrab my hand now and feel my insides, this is where I should beAll that dreamin' and there's with reason, it's extra-ordinaryI'll go pack my bags, take the trainLeave with nothing but my own hopes and dreams, that's me.I know it's true, but I gotta do what my heart's supposed to doAnd what I was born to do.So what would it be like if everything came trueImagine when I see you, imagine what I'd doI'd gaze up at the stars and never move my eyesTake me to a place high up in the skies.Imagine what I'd do if everything came true.I'd never have to fly in a rainy dayPunch drunk love man pass it my wayAnd I just need, need this moment To watch the sky breathe the airAnd I can see, see the ocean and your eyes standing thereAnd a prayer.

-Beautiful Colors: Kill Paradise.
sadly, not on my ipod.


I feel like making a list of things I like right now:
clouds
sun showers
music
picnics
phones
necklaces
fooood
sweatshirts
Boone
Wilmington
friends
family
cards
solitare
boys
laptops
football
basketball
masks
dresses
stuffed animals
old school cameras
new cameras
surveys for facebook[:
Sudeep
Mallory
Hailey
Bryan
Friends
Strangers
Pictures
youtubeeeee
lyric sites
wake up texts.

Dear Hans and Camille,
You two are awesome, for real. I very much felt the need to tell you guys. Hans, cause you've become a pretty good friend within the past two weeks, and that's great. And Camille, cause just everything you do makes me laugh. It's great. I wish we talked more hahaa.
mkay, thought you two should know.

that's all for now.
peace,
Rach.